Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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