Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
