Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
how does that bad decision feel?
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