The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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