when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
