i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
