this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
