hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
