her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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