the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
