Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
