i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
