tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
