Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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