He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
