When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
