Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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