I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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