OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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