Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I smell like Dick and happiness
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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