we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
