He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
