I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
