All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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