Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
