I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
