Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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