I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
