His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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