you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
