A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your penis caused this!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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