he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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