yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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