I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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