Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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