Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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