I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
