At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
