I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
