I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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