I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
