We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
