It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
