We're like a lot better than the average bears
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
