respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
