Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
