fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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