He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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