when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize