after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
