that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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