Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
