but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
