tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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