It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
