my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
