So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ladies don't puke and tell
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
