I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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