my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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