it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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