i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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