idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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