highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
