his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So many bounce houses so little time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize