We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
