Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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