Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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