yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
