well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
